It’s hard to say exactly when my obsession with being a mother (and babies in general) all began but the more I think about it; I blame my Baby Born circa 1996, Leonie.
While other little girls were begging their parents for The Beauty and The Beast on VHS and wearing every butterfly clip they could get their hands on while trying to get their defective Furby to work, I was hoping and wishing that the biggest present under the Christmas Tree was a Baby Born for me.
You see, I had been sizing up that baby in a box at Big W for months. I’m sure I remember spending every waking moment reminding my parents that my lifedepended on being able to be a 6-year-old mother to a plastic infant that had the ability to eat, shit and bend its limbs.
When I unwrapped my little bundle of joy on Christmas day and discovered my mother had also handmade a nappy bag and sewn more clothes than my darling Leonie could ever wear, it was love at first sight. It may seem totally ridiculous but in that moment as a 6-year-old, I began dreaming of the day that I would be a mother to an actual real life human child.
Fast forward 20 years and this gal is hearing the tick tock of her uterus so loudly, it’s starting to keep her up at night. Luckily for me, I have a plan.
For the last 18 months, I’ve been discussing parenthood with a someone who, as it turns out, shares my vision for a somewhat non-conventional family that encourages, uplifts and above all else, unconditionally loves one another.
We’ve been connected for 16 years and have supported each other through terrible hairstyles, countless lovers, broken engagements, gypsy adventures, promotions, family drama and significant loss. It has become very apparent to the both of us that when we imagine our future and our lasting legacy, there is no one on the planet that we would rather raise humans with.
Now, I should probably mention as this stage, that this person is a man. A very handsome, incredibly intelligent, patient, creative and loving gay man. A man who sends me Will & Grace GIF’s on the daily, calls me out on my bullshit and never complains about my snoring. A man that has been lighting up my life since the first time we danced like new-born giraffes in his mothers courtyard at 10 years old. The song? Well, it was only the quintessential club track from the late 90’s; Jackie by BZ ft Joanne, of course.
We are more than just friends. We share the same hopes for our future offspring and have experienced this life in such a similar way that not doing this together seems completely unimaginable. Nothing feels as right for us or as real as the prospect of sharing the responsibility of being the parents of smart, kind and compassionate children.
At this stage of discussing the plan there are 4 potential faces you could be making right now, based entirely on your inability to register what it is that you’ve just read.
Um, what? So you guys are a couple now and like, bonking? In short? Yes and No. Yes, we love each other and through that love, have joined together to raise teeny tiny baby humans into hopefully fully grown and exceptional adult humans but no, we are not bonking.
We are still the same Queer folk we were before carefully selecting each other to procreate with. Neither of us has any interest in exploring a sexual connection with one another because… that’s just not how we roll. Capiche?
This all sounds perfect… until (insert everything that could go wrong here) and one or both of you no longer wishes to follow through.That’s the thing about all relationships, communication will be key to us navigating all of the challenges life may throw at us but spoiler alert: we’ve been doing that already as fully functioning adults for 8 years. Besides, you know that anythingcan go wrong in every family right?
Through it all though, there is one constant; our desire to be parents and support each other through anything that comes our way.
You’re an inspiration – ground breaking – but just so you know, this is going to be super hard and anyone wanting to get involved romantically with either of you would have to be a special kind of human to want to navigate this.Ok, we aren’t naive enough to believe that becoming parents isn’t the hardest and yet most rewarding life commitment that we’re ever going to make. Life is hard, period. Next.
Throwing our hands up in the air and recognising that how everyone else is doing it, doesn’t make sense for us, is neither brave or inspirational, it’s just real and feels super natural to us.
In the same way that single parents are capable and deserving of relationships – should they choose to have them – so are we. Anyone who is lucky enough to love and be loved by us as individuals will be understanding and supportive of our family, our love and the love we share for our children.
So, if either or both of us happens to find ourselves romantically attached to another human (lucky them) – yes – I agree that person would need to be very special. Not because our family is bizarre or that this somehow makes us impossible to love but because we deserve amazing, incredible, special humans in our lives because that’s who we are in the world.
This. Is. The. Best. News. I’ve. Heard. All. Day.
Well, no need to calm your tits Kelly Rowland because we are right there with you! This is pretty much the actual face our parents made when we told them about our plan to get to work making their future grand babies. This is in fact, our reaction too when we see children on the daily and can’t help but imagine ourselves loving little humans into existence.
Obviously we’re excited and completely scared out of our minds but every first time parent has said the exact same thing to us over the years.
Our journey to create the family we’ve always dreamed of has begun. No, we’re not pregnant… yet… but watch this space people because it’s happening and we couldn’t be more thrilled to have you along for the ride of our lives.