Human beings have literally one job; be good. Good to the environment, good to each other and good to ourselves. We don’t always get it right but the biggest mistake you can make in life, is believing that everyone has the same moral compass while on the path of goodness as you.
Don’t bother acting surprised when the truth comes out though, people are consistently showing you who they are and still we ignore the signs in favour of seeing only the best in people.
I’m a big believer in taking responsibility for your behaviour but we have been taught to lie while being told to see the importance of always telling the truth. Our parents start off early by lying to us about bunnies and men in red suits and that some of us can sing – when we can’t, so the result is a magical, wonderful childhood that is none the less, a crock of shit.
But hey… monkey see, monkey do.Maybe you’ve told your boss you were sick, when you weren’t. Maybe you’ve told your friend that you’re sure the person she likes is being a jerk because they must really be into them or maybe you’re just that asshole that can clearly see I have something in my teeth but say nothing. Lying by omission is still a lie and let’s be real, everybody lies.
I lie to myself and all of you everytime I post a selfie using the butterfly filter from Snapchat. Sorry, not sorry.
It doesn’t matter how you spin it or the way we use intent to divert from the impact that our words have had on other people. Things like, “I didn’t mean it like that.” or “I said it with love.” and the old classic, “Oh you weren’t there, it was taken out of context.” are lies too and serve as band aids struggling to cover your deceit.
How much easier would life be, if all you had to do was say exactly what you were thinking or feeling and own it. Even when other people’s reactions to your truthfulness are less than ideal. Even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t want to. That’s that thing about feelings, you don’t actually get to decide if people are allowed to be hurt by things you’ve said but being honest is always best, right?
Of course, we’ve all been told that there are different levels of lies and depending on how much you love or are loved by someone, you could probably get away with all of them.
There’s the little white lies you tell under the illusion of saving someone from being hurt or embarrassed. Medium sized lies where you know it’s not accurate but, why let the truth get in the way of a good yarn. Then the mother lode, lies that once discovered, can completely disrupt your sense of security and/or self. Don’t be fooled babes, although varying in severity, they’re all lies.I was 12 when I discovered a lifetime of lies that would send shock waves through my world. Sitting at home watching Doctor Phil with my Mother, I couldn’t have imagined just how much I would relate to the grown up children being told by their own parents that they weren’t who they thought they were, on national television. I remember saying how I couldn’t believe those parents could keep secrets like these from their kids for so long.
A few hours passed and I was sitting on a bean bag listening to P!nk blissful in my ignorance when my Mother came to sit by me and began to cry. I looked up at her having a fully blown meltdown and knew that something was terribly wrong. The entire world stopped as bombs were being dropped all around me.
It was the moment I discovered that the man who taught me to swim and ride a bike, the man who encouraged me to follow my dreams and had loved me the way every little girl deserves to be loved by their Dad, wasn’t biologically linked to me. To top it all off, he had his suspicions but hadn’t known for much longer than me either.
There wasn’t a single part of me that could fully understand the fallout that was about to take place in my family. I no longer had a grasp on who I was and suddenly, everything I had ever known was taken out from under me and replaced with uncertainty and a real sense of being alone.
Who was my Dad? Where was he? Does everyone else know? Will my siblings still treat me the same? My frontal lobe wasn’t ready and tiny prepubescent mind was clearly reeling.
When my Dad came home that afternoon, I looked up him – knowing that he knew I knew, questioning whether he would still love me and he took me in his arms and said, “You have always been my daughter, I still love you and this changes nothing.” He continued to prove just how much he adored me and I still feel his love with me today.
People always ask me if I had the choice, whether I would have wanted to know at all. The answer has always been yes. Look, it wasn’t the greatest timing and it was one of the hardest things I have ever endured but it was real life. Real life is messy, people make mistake and no, forgiveness isn’t necessary but it sure does make you feel lighter if you choose to.
Over the years I have struggled with my own version of reality. I did meet my biological father and the 2 extra brothers I never knew I had but it only left me with more confusion.
Figuring out where I actually fit in the family I had always known while dodging the collateral damage in the form of angry siblings, feuding parents and a tsunami of extended family that felt the need to interject their own hateful diatribe into a child wasn’t easy.
You would think after being lied to and dealing with the aftershock of truth bombs exploding through my life that I would have stayed as far away from lies and the people who tell them as possible.
Truth is, I haven’t. It seems that I am a magnet for the delusional and pathological liars of the world which has made them super easier to spot. From online catfishing, to an ex-girlfriend telling mutual friends that I stabbed them (seriously, people believed her), to ‘friends’ who create intricate webs of lies that all eventually untangle in historic fashion after a few wines or simply over exaggerating a story to appear more interesting; I’ve seen it all. Which has left me more than a little sceptical.I too have a tendency to over exaggerate and it is an ugly trait that I have to keep in check daily and I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I fail, I am human. Owning the crappy parts of ourselves is the only way forward and recognising my own shortfalls is the healthiest way to make better choices.
I’m making a commitment to live my life authentically, truthfully and without hidden agendas. I am choosing to separate myself daily from anyone who doesn’t share the same philosophy. Nothing can or should stop me from continuing to speak up when things aren’t right or when people deserve to know the truth because, regardless of the situation, we all do. It’s not always easy to say it like it is, but I can guarantee that even through the fallout, the truth is beautiful because it’s real.
Wouldn’t it be nice if instead of pretending we’re all extra’s on Pretty Little Liars, we could pop on our big girl panties and just get on with letting the truth bombs fall where they may. Yes, being respectful is important so you should proceed with equal parts bravery and tact and no, it won’t always be pretty but I would rather be temporarily bruised by the truth than blissfully unaware and saturated in bullshit, any day.