I drove 2 hours today so that I could sit amongst the bubbles in the tub at my girlfriends old, vacant house and check back into myself again.
Who knew that driving all this way to pick up some left over furniture could be the most blissful and delicious way to spend my Saturday.
It has been far too long since I took some time out. I’m talking quiet, completely tranquil me time with no sounds of dogs barking, traffic thundering past or the lingering disgust of no voters on the tram.
You’d know by now (thanks to social media and my inability to keep a secret) that I am about to embark on one of the most exciting new beginnings I’ve ever experienced.
Let’s go back to the start though.
The role I found a few months back is super challenging, rewarding and the only job I’ve ever had where being exactly who I am is all they ask of me.
Empathetic, understanding, fast thinking and passionate.
It connects me with every type of human imaginable on their search for safe and effective sexual and reproductive health services across Australia.
It also ignighted a fire in me about the reproductive rights of those with a uterus that I thought couldn’t potentially gain any more traction. I felt like I was finally a part of something much larger with big dreams set on changing the world – and I still will – but I couldn’t help noticing that something was/is missing.
You see, around the same time that I started in this role, I had also began to fall in love.
I’ve always heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder (and you’re all absolutely right) but as it turns out, being that far away from each other is also super duper hard.
Much harder than two independent and stubborn Cancerian’s would often like to admit.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to convince myself that FaceTime is as good a way as any to communicate with my love and that it feels (almost) the same as being in the same place.
That seeing each other every few weeks is exciting and I try to focus on how romantic it is to be thinking of someone – all the time.
Truth is, that’s total bullshit and a little exhausting.
For me at least; nothing compares to being held in the safe and protective embrace of your partner as you fall asleep, or waking up to them in the morning, or coming home to them after a particularly hard day, or knowing your next (non solitary) orgasm isn’t over 2 weeks away.
I never thought I’d say this – and all of my ex’s would be shocked to hear it – but I want less space.
Less space between me and my favourite hands to hold. Less time between being kissed. Less late night conversations about how badly we wish we were somewhere else. Less longing to be near her.
You see it took falling in love – properly – for what I believe to be the first real time in my life to know there’s nowhere I’d rather be than in her presence. The sun shines brighter, the world feels lighter and my heart is so full when she’s around.
So, with all that being said and with your buckets filled with vomit in hand- it seems there is only one logical thing to do.
After deciding being apart is just too fucking hard, this thick, femme and self appointed queen of her own life will be lacing up some freshly purchased steel cap boots and heading out to the desert – FIFO style.
Of course now you’re all probabaly seeing images of Priscilla and me shaking shit up out there in the dirt – naturally – but let’s get back on track.
It’s the first time (in a long time) that I’m going to feel completely out of my comfort zone. A new environment, new role and a predominantly male workeforce of thousands packed into a mining camp in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere.
That’s all true and I’m not naive enough to believe that it won’t be hard but I’ll be with her and it will be worth it.
It’s a way for us be closer, earn dope money and fund our adventures.
Let’s try not to forget that I’ll also be debt free for the first time in 10 years within a matter of months and finally be able to start working towards my dreams instead of living week to week and chasing my tail.
To say I’m excited would be the understatement of the century.
I’m also so fucking proud of myself for accepting help, tackling new challenges and allowing myself to discover the happiness that exists on the other side of fear.
I know I deserve this and I can’t wait for my heart to feel the relief of constant longing.
It’s obviously a bonus that my bank account will experience a break from financial strain and I’ll be able to focus on living the life I’ve always wanted.
Dear Melbourne, I love you. I’m not moving, just flying out to earn some dollar bills so that I can enjoy those expensive brunches when I come home to you every few weeks.
Dear Brodie, thank you for trusting me and believing in us enough to know this is the best thing.
Dear Darla and Vada, Mummy is bringing home the big bucks now so get ready for caviar on your kibble and don’t give your father the shits while I’m gone.
Dear Cat, thank you! For seeing me, understanding me, loving and protecting me – always. I don’t know if this mine is ready for the two of us but I couldn’t be happier to be finding out by your side.